NEW BLOG !!!

hola !

long time no post ??

well anyways , here is a new blog that i am on .
this one will only be used for personal reasons lol ( getting to other sites )

click here to witness greatness in the making =)

so long folks and happy new year !!

Chrisette Michele - What You Do

this touched my heart ...

R.I.P Michael jackson (1958-2009)

i love this =)

WORK BITCHES !!!

ahaha sit down bitch you dont have this !!! NEW PHRASE !! lmao

HE AINT WITH ME NOW (THO) ! YESS !!

THIS IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHAT KIND OF MOVIES I WANT TO BE IN !!

LIL WAYNE FEAT. DRAKE & YOUNG MONEY - EVERY GIRL

my SINGLE problem !

"For years, I had a single problem. From the moment I stepped out of the closet and admitted to myself that I was gay, I immediately began to feel insecure about not having a man in my life as a romantic partner. What began as simple adolescent insecurity developed into a complex as I grew into early adulthood. The older I got, the more deficient I felt for not having someone to love me. I was excelling academically in college, building a solid and successful career in politics, and establishing and developing very meaningful friendships. I had it all, or at least as much as anyone in their early twenties could expect to have. Yet, I felt as though my life was lacking in some way. No matter how good life was, this problem – this single problem – persisted. 

I assumed that it would go away the minute I found someone to love me. All of my insecurities about my life, my looks, and my place in the world would be fixed the moment “prince charming” came in and swept me off my feet. Like so many young girls find themselves doing, I was waiting on the fairytale narrative to give my life meaning (as if a life without love was also one devoid of this alleged “meaning”). Never mind that I enjoyed my college classes and soaked up all the new theories and concepts I was learning. Never mind that I loved my job managing and directing a local grassroots political party. Never mind the very deep and connected friendships I had built over the years. Never mind the fact that I actually liked living by myself, alone, in my own eclectically decorated and perfectly organized apartment. I was convinced that all these elements that made up my version of the “good life” were insignificant and meaningless. Under the ever-anticipated glow of love, I expected all my insecurities would just melt away..."

read more of the essay here

you never want to admit to yourself that your lonely. well, at least not to other people. you want to have a sense of strength that you dont need a damn man to make you happy, but in actuality it wouldn't hurt to feel his hands touch your skin. sending nerves all over your body crazy into its own little orgasms (non-sexually). you want to turn in he middle of the night and find your man's bare chest moving up and down rhythmically with his breathing moving you as well as you place your hand on him. im strong. i can proudly say that i am strong. BUT, i yearn for more. i yearn for a sense of protection i have never had. when he hugs me i want it to feel like a thousand men are surrounding me from the world and nothing bad will ever happen. i know its not reality but a guy can still dream .... right?

LEDISI - LOST AND FOUND

Always alone
Someone come for me
Here on my own
Feels like the pain lasts an eternity
Tears come no more I wanna smile again
Love again
Please someone find me

Souls pass me by
Why can't they see me here
Touch me one time
Just like magic
I will reappear
Sadness like the rain it showers over me
I wanna feel again
Please someone find me

Lost not yet found
Breathing in misery
Hope lurks around
When will the Sun ever shine on me
I need love to come carry me
Take me away
Please someone find me

I'll sing my song
Maybe I'll scream and shout
Please someone come
I don't wanna live without love
Hear my plea
I have love to give
I wanna live
Please someone find me

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIERCE !!!

LACEY & URI EPISODE 1.4

LACEY & URI EPISODE 1.3

LACEY & URI EPISODE 1.2

LACEY & URI EPISODE 1.1

something to help my addiction to adele !

hmmm ...

I haven't really written
anything in a while so I
thought no better time
than the present right !

3:05 am & im STILL up .
i m tired of constantly
feeling the way I feel .
but I can't help it .....
...only time will tell when
I've felt as if I have let
go the BAD in my life !

hmmmm ... im also
ready !! I mean fuck .
I've waited TOO long
& it seems like NOTHING
new is going to come of
me WAITING all the damn
time ! you know ?? watever ... I guess the longer you wait the greater the reward right ? GOODNIGHT.

BLOGS I LOVE ! =]

check out my friends blogs ...

carin

erin

nicole

B.SCOTT ON CHRIS BROWN AND RIHANNA

MY GRL IS BACK !

dancer/choreographer luam

she is one of the most amazing hip hop dancers i have EVER seen !! PERIOD !
for more luam you can check out her youtube videos by clicking here

fantasia singing "im here" from The color purple: The Musical

Its also in the works to become a motion picture. and since i didnt get a chance to see it when it came to sacramento i hope to see it in on film or the television.

NOAHS ARC: JUMPING THE BROOM OUT FEB 3RD!!!!

yes you heard correct , and if you cant wait until the given date then you can always pre-purchase it onlinw now! click here

and to add to the excitment the movie has also been nominated for 2 NAACP image awards!
for the full list click here

THE OSCARS ARE HERE!!

finally! after months and months of waiting the nominations are out!! and to say the least ... im going to LOVE this years. i havent been this excited for the oscars since 2007 when, one of my idols, jennifer hudson was nominated and won for best supporting actress in dreamgirls. 3008 was an amazing year for movies it seems, and with all the deserving getting awarded, i can say im a happy homo!

now for my favs...

MILK is one of the most beautiful movies i have ever seen. not just because it tells the story of someone being gay, but, because it tells the story of someone fighting for what he believes in, and for whats right. sean penn is by far one of my favorite actors now! the way he acts is just breathe taking. as an aspiring actor i must admit that i will continue to learn his craft and how is "looses" hiself in his roles. PERFECTION! josh brolin was also nominated for his clever and darkminded role as the senator who killed him.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON proved to be a moving story about love, and the thought of making your life meaningful. yet very long, i think this is one of few movies that kept me interested the whole way through. brad pitt is one of te most charasmatic actors i have ever seen. the way he moves in his roles is something to be looked at. cate blanchett did a dazzling performance and proves that she is one of the most beautiful actresses of our time with the talent to match. taraji p henson as brad pitss mother was a gift to me! she showed everybody she HAS what it takes and she step out with an oscar nomination. they all deserve them

DOUBT was one of the most thought prevoking movies ever! with its clever writing to its moving story of truth. meryl streep, to me, is one of the BEST actresses of all time. she has continued to pick roles that show people sides to a story whether it be in fashion or the church. one of my idols. any adams has been on my mind since she starred in the enchanted and has not let me down. she is the time of talent i want to become. versitile. truly one of my favorite actresses. i knew viola davis looked familiar, and thats because she was in lifetimes movie of the fantasia barrino story as her mother. as a felloe davis i must say her performance in doubt was not only scarry but understanding to a certain point. a women to watch out for in my eyes, is what viola is.

for the complete list click here

OUR NATIONS 44TH FAMILY!!!

I LOVE THEM!!

the life many live.....

STEREOTYPE
A conventional, formulaic, and oversimplified conception, opinion, or image.One that is regarded as embodying or conforming to a set image or type.

That of the black man. powerful. angry. criminal. sexual predator. juxtaposed to that of the gay man. distrustful. obscene. sexually promiscuous. now enter the down low. Both black and gay, both misunderstood and feared. but how much is fact are how much is fiction?

I was on the internet looking up interesting things to read, hear, and watch. i stumbled upon a website that lets volonteers write essay about their views on certain aspects of being gay....
beyondmasculinity.com

I went down the list and what caught my eye was the essay entitled...."in the life of the down low: where is a black gay man to go?" by Keith M. Harris. while reading the essay it became more and more of a reality to me. i too have met men in the chat rooms talking their slang that was impossible for me to remember to this date. and in some cases i saw more of me in the authors writings. im not on the "down-low" but i think at one point in my life i was. i also think many and if not all men in the first stages of coming to terms with their sexuality are and were. i didnt WANT to hide my sexuality, i just didnt want EVERYBODY to know, who i wasnt ready to know. i refuse to try and pretend i was someone i wasnt by going out and sleeping with the opposite sex. in a way covering up cracks. i simply didnt date. i continued to live my life as a GAY teenager, not like most tho....

"Do not ask them how i look, as if they can truly see. im more than what my surface portrays, im multilayer complexity. do not ask them how i am, how could they really know. i have not allowed one close enough to see the true me ever show"....
-mike ant

to read the essay click here

For you amanda...

R.I.P Amanda Christine Smith[10/4/89-1/16/08]

ALTHOUGH IM MISSIN YOU

Who would have known
that you had to go
so suddenly so fast..
how could it be
that a sweet memories
would be all... all that we'd have left
but now that you're gone
Everyday I go on
but life's just not the same
I'm so empty inside
and my tears I can't hide
but I'll try, I'll try to face the pain

although I'm missin you
I'll find the way to get through
living without you.....
cause you were my sister, my strength and my pride
only God may know why
still I will get by


there was so many things
that we could have shared
....if time was on our side
but now that you're gone
I can still feel you near
so I'll smile, with every tear I cry..

how sweet were the closest of friends
but I'll wait for the day
when I'll see you again
see you again

All though I'm missin you
I'll find the way to get through
cus you are my sister
my strength and my pride
only god
may know why
still I will get by...

what im feelin....

my feelings a couple of hours ago...that still seem to want to stay!

[AWAY] bloging out my feelings...

waiting for someone....
ugh ! i should know by now that waiting for someone gets you NOWHERE... but i just don't know any other way to reach him. I've put myself out there,...i think....right?? why do i seem to attract the ones i don't want yet i can't seem to attract THE ONE ! what am i doing wrong??.......

what you just read was my away message. i didn't plan on writing a blog today but my feelings seemed to have something to say. i know i should be "looking" for a relationship. people always seem to tell me that it'll come when i least expect it, but trust me ive been waiting for a long time and im starting to get pissed! i mean, i look around and all i see are people in their happy relationships and i cant help but want the same. im human. and i know that fairy-tales DONT exist so believe me when i say i DONT believe in them. but some people get lucky and find happiness, THATS what im trying to find in my life...happiness. but i know i can find it elsewhere then relationships...but i still have to ask. why am i still single?

when no homo goes too far! ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

yes! thank you!!

the person that is too fierce for words....ME!!

Since starting college ive become more and more noticed on the people around me. it started from curiosity, and in some cases i feel i had too. ive always been one to observe whats going on around me, whether it be with my family, a stranger and my friends. something i think we all do. but now im noticing more about myself. im the kind of person that wants more. even if im content im still yearning for something that i feel isnt there yet. i know what i want to do and i know where i want to be, but im not there yet. ive ALWAYS wanted to be an actor ever since i could remember...scrtach that... ive always want to PERFORM! where im from and live you dont see many opprtunities. you always herar about people making their dreams come true from next to nothing. i dont want to have that story. on MY version of true hollywood story i see people talking about how funny i am, and that whenever they saw me i would be either shouting the word fierce or just being FIERCE! Of course there are negative aspects in life but i would hope thats not how people remember me. i currently attend sacramento state university majoring in theatre(SHOCKER!!) and by the time im in my junior year i hope to have transfered to either CSULB or UCLA. i feel that i need to be in LA. i need to breathe in the thick air it holds, and walk its fashionable sidewalks! where hopefully my obsession for scarfs gets noticed. LA SPEAKS ME!! of course it will be hard and i hope im strong enough to handle it. thats where my friends come in! i fro one think i have the best! even though some get on my NERVES! i love them to death. without them i have no balance, theres few left to leave me grounded and appreciative. i have the FIERCEST best friend anyone could have. we love each other to deat! shes my sister. we've known each other since the 8th grade and have been clinging to each other ever since. without question she is my other half,... my FEMALE half lol. we haven't fought about anything in years! to us its just not worth it.i also have my close like hella hela friends who are pretty fierce as well(some LESS than others ahahah you know who you are). i cant wait until the day i accept the oscar for best actor.....im too confident that it WILL happen. wish me luck! stay fierce!...

kanYe West : Blog : I WENT AND GOTTA LOT OF THE SPROUSE STUFF THE OTHER DAY... POCKET SQUARES , KEY CHAINS, T'S ..... ALL TYPES OF SHIT!!!

kanYe West : Blog : I WENT AND GOTTA LOT OF THE SPROUSE STUFF THE OTHER DAY... POCKET SQUARES , KEY CHAINS, T'S ..... ALL TYPES OF SHIT!!!

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Beyonce- Roc

beyonce released a couple FIERCE songs in her deluxe edition of "I am... shasha fierce" in japan. all are my favorites but this one is my shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit at the moment lol

roc is also rumored to be a tribute to her husband jay z..

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

http://www.zshare.net/audio/54140122d7952f33/

Christina Milian is BACK!

LATOYA!!!

im super excited for latoyas new album and her single "not anymore" is my shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

this girl is FIERCE !

copy the link and enjoy !

http://www.zshare.net/audio/54137275358301e6/

"To All The Boys I've Loved Before" Mayda Del Valle (Def Poetry)

the meaning of love is....???? cont'd

ok, so to clear things up a tad. im not trying to say that love ONLY exists in they ways i might have stated, but im just stating that from what ive witness, the negative attributes that i stated were some reasons why people believe love NOT to seem real. im not making this up in my mind. i have had help from friends who have told me specifically that those reasons i pointed out were not love in THEIR situations(maybe i should have stated that from the beginning). im not saying that anyones love is false im just writing my opinion and the opinions of others on were we believe it does not seem real. if i made it sound anything from it truly means im sorry. i dont want people to get the wrong understanding of it....that will make me sad=[

the meaning of love is.....?????

i recently wrote a little passage on my away on AIM and it appears that i still have a little more that i need to say. to bring people up to speed, here is what i wrote...

"i now know that whatever happens, happens. and it happens for a reason. ive tried numerous times to understand what is to me just un-understandable. i understand that what you want can be manipulated with what you actually have. Dont mis-interpret, im all for love and being happy, but thats just it. to me, happiness with someone is built on a connection, without that connection what is there? just lost hope and soaking about the past. love is built on a solid relationship between two people. when you realize you love someone, its because almost everything about that person makes you happy. NOT what you wish he can be and more. if you have to consistently question anything, its for a reason. its something telling you its not love. dont confuse yourself with wanting to be loved so bad that you mistake love for being something else. i know whats going on and i wish more people did too. look inside."

with that said not only am i losing faith in people knowing what true love is, but im losing my own meaning of love. i dont know what to think anymore, because i simply dont know! maybe when i "find" love it will show me, but until then i cant trust that love truly exists. ive seen too many times what "love" has done to people. some yearn for it so bad that when they meet a guy and start liking them they think that ever little nice thing they do means love. but on the contrary, when he starts doing all the wrong things for too long of a time, they still believe its love. in my opinion when too many people love too many times, it starts to get old. and even they start to wonder. i hope that people start to see love for what it truly is and stop blaming its "existence" for everything wrong in their life. if love truly exists, which i have a feeling it might. then appreciate it for what its worth, and move on.

hey love muffins !( omg i love him lol)

love muffins,
make sure to head over to lovebscott.com

hes FIERCE !

trust me, i would know lol.

one word... BEYONCE !

the beautiful and talented beyonce glowed at this years Golden Globes, wearing none other than elie saab.

can we say...FIERCE !

YOU BETTER WORK B !

mike survillion from LOGO's shirts & skins

why oh why must he not live in sacramento....
wait....hes probably waiting for me to come to san francisco....YES !
ok, im not a stalker. i just really want to meet him,
and touch him lol.

THE CITY!

MONDAYS AT 8PM MTV

watch it.


or forever NOT be fierce !

is it love?.. nah playa!

for a while now ive been thinking about he concept of love, and what it truly means to be in love. with all this talk about the meaning to be IN love, i decided ro look for a poem about NOT being in love...well, atleast not anymore.

im not hurting anymore.
by Donni-Jay De-Ville

Complacency, or a one-sided relationship can only last so long. The same applies to the feeling of love, wasted on the wrong person. It does eventually stop hurting and becomes a vague memory.

When we first met, we felt so much;
I thought you were the only one.
As time went by, you made me cry;
You didn't seem to care at all.

You had chances to make it work;
But you just took me for granted.
The love I had was big and true :
Even affection, you never wanted.

Time and again I wanted to be more;
Much more than just a friend.
But you liked it the way it was;
Though I told you I could see the end.

You had your chance, well quite a few;
'Cos you said you'd find a way.
Your words didn't mean a thing;
Your love disappeared or went astray.

So I've left you and your uncaring spirit;
Gone too far away to see your face.
You can't con me any more;
I won't even listen to your voice.

You're not the first thing on my mind;
When I wake from my sleep.
I have loving arms around me now;
And I'm not hurting over you.